“I want to just… run away… hide… forever. I just don’t want to face it. Am I supposed to? Because I don’t think I can face it.
Stop it. I don’t want to hear it.
… Not now.
When people ask you:
“What is that you miss the most about her?”
How do you respond? Is it… her sparkling eyes? Her glowing, radiant smile? Maybe her beautiful personality? Her immaculate and loving soul?
You shake your head and say: “You don’t understand.”
Another day passes and again, you shudder. This remitting thought flows in and out unremorsefully. That voice re-appears: “She’s gone. She’s no longer here.” You surrender. You let it overwhelm you. This situation shouldn’t be anything unfamiliar to you by now. For the past few weeks, maybe for the past few years even, you’ve been feeling the exact same. It’s times like these when you need to find the right support medium for yourself. To be able to channel your grief is a vital path for recovery and renewal.
Where do you start? Here.
- Turning to friends and family members. Don’t be afraid of being ‘that’ dependent friend. A day will come when your friends will need your support, so be assured that they will be glad to help you during your period of stress and grief. More so, they are probably the ones who are already reaching out a hand to help you. They want to provide you assistance but you’re the one rejecting and isolating yourself from the crowd. You have to make sure you are open and honest about how you feel! Don’t be afraid to cry all over their shoulder – remember, your true friends will be glad to see you happy again.
- Draw comfort from your faith. Whether or not you are religious, your belief of life after death can really set your mind straight. Immerse yourself in that belief, whether it be incarnation or a heavenly path – seek solace in understanding that your loved one is now in a safe (and perhaps) an even better place. Rest assured and continue believing.
- Join a support group. Support groups are there to listen to your problems, empathise with you, understand with you, and grieve with you. It’s not a matter of status or shame. You’re not the only one grieving, so it’s more than okay (and recommended) for you to share your emotions with others in the same situation. (Believe it or not, they’re human too!)
- Talk to a therapist or grief counsellor. When you feel like your whole world is crashing down, nothing is going right… you feel torn, you feel cheated on in life, you don’t know what to do – seek therapeutic help. This doesn’t mean you are mentally ill (don’t think that, ever!) – you may just need that extra hand for comfort and support. Seeking therapeutic assistance is just a more direct and reliable way to handle your troubles. Even if there is diagnosis of mental illness, don’t let the stigma hold you back. Remember this world is yours if you use it right.
Above all, taking care of yourself should be your first priority.
Approaching your feelings is definitely a priority, but to follow-up you must remember to allow yourself to comfortably fall back into your daily routines. This means waking up everyday feeling more lively than the last. If there are items or objects that remind you of the death, place it aside until you are ready to face it again. Clean yourself up properly and your surrounds – live everyday with more acceptance than the last. Having a regenerated feeling will enlighten your mood and change your perspective on your current state, for the better.
It takes time, there’s no doubt about that, but when the time comes you will thank yourself and live with the acceptance.
One day you will get up. You smile, knowing she’s still there, just as long as you continue to keep her in your heart.